Revisiting the Past to understand my Present.


A month ago, my counselor asked me when was the last time I can remember feeling like this?

What she meant was when was the last time I remembered days on end of never having a dry face? Living each day in despair and just hoping that someone would notice that something wasn’t right.

It wasn’t too long ago that everyday, whether driving to work or driving home on the weekends to see my family I could barely see the road because the tears were so big and vicious escaping from the corners of my eyes and rushing down my cheeks.

That was 2012. August 2012 to be exact. I don’t remember exactly what was going on before then but I do remember an overview.

2012 was the year my parents were already separated, the year I took a 6 month hiatus from school, and the year I met Mason’s Dad (that’s another post or two). I also took losing weight and getting healthy seriously.

I don’t know what caused the onset of the sudden darkness that swiftly engulfed me back in 2012 leaving no part of me untouched. I didn’t come up for air until December of the same year. Never reaching out for help, thinking that I was just alone in the world and carrying that feeling with me until I landed here writing this post.

It is now 2017. Same symptoms, same feelings. What’s different? I’m not alone.

I’m a single, Christian, mom to an amazing little 2 year old.

That’s what brings me here documenting this journey to healing. God and Mason push me to not give in even if some days my head is barely above the water.

So come along as we wade through the water and prayerfully return to the land. The land of freedom and joy unheard of.



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