Thoughts, feelings, and suffocation.

Sometimes I experience the most annoying feelings in the world (in my opinion).

Having a heart full of thoughts but not having the words to express myself coherently.

Feeling alone in a room full of people.

Wanting to succeed as bad as I want to breathe while having this stupid giant boulder crushing my chest but ever so lightly and slowly that I barely recognize that I’m standing still. Just merely surviving and not thriving.

What’s this boulder you ask? It’s actually made up of many things. Feelings of doubt, unworthiness, fear of failing, lack of motivation, anxiousness. Sounds a lot like depression if you were to ask me.

The question of the day (aka what I’m currently racking my brain to come up with an answer with while overanalyzing and overthinking) is how do I move this boulder off me while this passion to succeed is still burning vibrantly in me? Does the boulder go away forever once it’s removed or does it just drop in on me at random times? Is it normal to feel as if you want to go full speed ahead yet something is holding you back? Is slow progress better than no progress? I very well know the answer to the last question posed but the anxious part of me wants to ask if I should be moving much faster along than I am right now because we know the early bird gets the worm yet at the rate of speed I’m moving because of this boulder, I may never make it there.

This is my mind everyday, all day. This is also just one of the thoughts that I have but I’ll save that for another post.

Feedback, suggestions, advice would be great if you’ve been here before.

To you that is still here, let’s continue to push through. Even if we are moving at a snail’s pace.