Transparency Sunday: I love Mason but sometimes I don’t like Motherhood.

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In the last 6 months, I’ve grown to enjoy being a parent. Before then, I looked at it as a burden & a job that I didn’t want to do. I even thought of giving up my parental rights bc I absolutely loathed it.Yeah, I know that I hid it so well.
Between dealing with so much regret and blaming myself over and over again for getting pregnant. I didn’t want kids EVER. I believe that I had post-partum depression but I denied it at every check up. As time went by, I had to do most parenting alone and I ran into money problems. I mean just having enough to pay the bills. Those issues sent me into an even darker place.
I just wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to talk or be bothered yet here was this kid that I had to care for. It was aggravating to say the least.
I decided to seek help because I knew that crying every day and wanting to be alone was not normal. It took 2 years for me to finally see progress from therapy. I did’t want to take meds because that meant that something was really wrong with me.
Then I decided to embrace it bc enough was enough. The mood swings, irritability, anger, and crying all day everyday became unbearable. Since taking meds, my mood has elevated to where I am motivated to do the work that my therapist needed for me to begin the journey to healing.
After putting in some work, I begin to change my mindset and try to see the best in situations. I went from seeing Mason as a burden to seeing him as a blessing. He brings so much joy to others and now I am not as lonely as before. He’s like my little best friend and I like to be around him and teach him what life is all about.
I never talked to anyone about how I felt. I thought that they’d think I was some evil ungrateful person. It took me so long to actually tell my therapist how I felt about parenting. I thought that even she would judge me.
If you’ve can relate to my past feeling or situation then know that you’re not alone and it’s ok to have those feelings.Have hope that it gets better.
My inbox is open to anyone who’d like to talk without being judged!
Here’s a quote from an article: “…So few mothers admit to having these feelings, but that doesn’t make them go away. Parenting is difficult, and of course it makes sense that not everyone is equally suited to it temperamentally. But the stigma of admitting that one doesn’t really enjoy being a parent is enormous, and the necessity of hiding those feelings can be a huge burden—which in itself is a contributor to depression and anxiety..”
Read full post here: Motherhood

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