Who were you?


Ever wonder who you were before the world told you who you should be?

Perhaps I was the loud, outgoing, kid like my son before I realized that it was best to be quiet and stay out of the way of my parents and their loud, physical fights.

Did I really love to read or was it a way to escape the woes of my daily life?

Maybe I didn’t look at my body with shame or give it a second, third, AND fourth thought until someone decided to tell me that I was too heavy or that I shouldn’t eat that if I didn’t want to be fat.

My grades probably would’ve been average if I didn’t see that high marks and over achieving kept the belt around his waist and his voice not too loud and scary.

I would have an easier time standing up for myself if the times when I did in the past, it wasn’t viewed as insignificant. Young people and their feelings matter too. Always remember that.

Somewhere along the years, the need for perfection was ingrained in my psyche. I still cannot peel its sticky fingers off of me and the repercussions of it are soul-crushing some days. I’m left feeling unworthy simply because I think what I’m doing could be better.

Always feeling the need to level up professionally just so that I can receive praise and recognition as that’s the only way I remember receiving “love”.

Maybe in another life, I didn’t feel the need to perform in order to earn my worth and to receive love. Maybe in another life, I was simply enough. As I am. Nothing more. Nothing less.

2 thoughts on “Who were you?

  1. I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the last two years. Who told me the parts of me that I think are inadequate are in fact inadequate? Why can’t I rest or be still or be lazy without feeling like I’m a bump on a log? Why do I absolutely craaaave praise??

    Liked by 1 person

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