I’ve got Jesus and also shame…

For years, due to my perspective of Christianity (and also those closest to me), I’ve carried this shame around for my life choices. 

To be attracted to the same sex and for having a child out of wedlock. 

I didn’t even get to celebrate or rejoice in carrying new life as from the beginning, I tried to forget the fact that I was pregnant. That shame was never mine to carry. I didn’t deserve to carry that. I didn’t deserve the years of therapy to come to grips with those portions of my life either. 

This has me in a weird place. Yes, I believe in God but I have had to relearn God and correct my view of God so that I can actually be close to Them. If I had never found the space The Unfit Christian, I never would have had this chance to know without a shadow of a doubt that God loves me as I am because They in fact made me this way. It was never my choice. 

I also did what I could do to forego pregnancy but that didn’t work and I didn’t believe in abortion for myself at the time. So here comes another unwed mom. 

Until I find a church where I am not shamed but am affirmed, I won’t be stepping foot in one. I miss congregating and the politics of church but this is the South so a space like that may be hard to come by and that’s tragic.

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