I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok. I am ok.
Being ignored or not prioritized properly.
My 3 biggest triggers. Triggers that I don’t yet have a handle on and frankly idek where to start. Well yes I do. It starts with a pause. It starts with a hold. It starts with taking ownership and acknowledgment. No, it actually starts back further. It starts with the inner voice. That harsh critic who lives inside of you. Telling you that you are your mistakes and everything is your fault.
The voice speaks before you even have a chance to process the situation or take a step back to breathe and gather yourself.
Today my voice told me that I was stupid and I always mess stuff up. It told me that I wasn’t worthy of love or anything going right in my personal life.
It didn’t say, “Jelissa, that was an honest mistake.” It told me that I had ruined two new business relationships before I even got started. It said that they would bad mouth me and no one would use the drop in center.
It said that I should have it all together and as much as I hate for my time to be wasted, I should do everything in my power to not waste someone else’s even if that meant doing the impossible.
That voice said that it’s my fault that I don’t have help. It’s my fault that I have to do everything for mason bc I should’ve never got pregnant and made that mistake. It told me that I was a bad mom for making mason have to come and sit at the center for hours and watch me clean.
That voice told me that my past would always define me and that I wasn’t worthy of another chance at love. It told me that I wasn’t good enough for that person and that’s why he wanted to leave. That voice also rewrote his messages too. It never even mentioned leaving.
Today that inner critic was way too loud and debilitating. It screamed all day that I was failing and I listened. I believed that voice too.
Let me stop right there though. What the voice is saying even louder is that there’s still work to be done. I have to continue on this journey of healing and self-love. I still have to become my biggest cheerleader and encourager.
If the voice is screaming then it means that I’m stretched thin and haven’t given myself grace. It says that I haven’t paused to process what’s going on.
I have to heal. I have to forgive (myself first). I have to learn how to balance and make time for myself or else when the days come where everything that could happen, happens, I will buckle once again.
I’m not weak. You aren’t either and if you also deal with a mean, harsh inner voice, we have work to do.
Start with figuring out who’s voice is speaking to you. Get a good night’s rest. Eat a salad and drink some water. Find a therapist. Journal. Google some positive affirmations and repeat them to yourself. Tell yourself that you love you because at the end of the day, YOU ARE ALL THAT YOU GOT AND YOU HAVE TO TREAT YOURSELF LIKE THE KING OR QUEEN THAT YOU ARE.